So many couples end up in a situation where they argue about the same thing over and over.

A unique issue for first-generation American-born South Asians is that many prefer the Western method to finding your life partner: dating. Since many of their parents are immigrants and probably had arranged marriages, they aren’t able to turn to their parents for help on learning how to navigate the dating scene.

As they embark on the journey of finding a significant other, a common concern South Asians who are dating have is why they end up dating the same type of person repeatedly.

Interestingly, the answer to this relies mainly on self-reflection, as who you choose to date is often based on patterns that you have learned in childhood and adolescence. For example:

QUESTION

I am having trouble finding the right person for me. I have been in an abusive relationship once before and that has taken over my life. I don't know whether I have fully recovered from that, but whenever a guy comes in my life, I become so alarmed, thinking and acting like all men are the same. Due to this, I can never keep a guy around. What should I do?

ANSWER

Let me start by thanking you for your thoughtful question. Unfortunately, there are many other people who face similar issues. By having the courage to ask this question, you may be helping others as well.

QUESTION

I'm 20 years old, and I am ready to have Sex. I'm not in a serious relationship, but I have been dating someone whom I do trust. I have thoroughly considered the consequences and am pretty confident in my decision. Is it okay for me, an unmarried South Asian woman, to have sex before marriage with someone I'm not committed to?

ANSWER

Whether or not to begin a sexual relationship is a decision that only you can make. While I cannot tell you which decision is right for you, I can share some thoughts in the hopes of empowering you to navigate your way to the right decision for you.

QUESTION

I have been dating an Indian man, whom I met online, for about four months now. Things are great between us, and we feel completely compatible even though it is a long distance relationship.

My parents automatically distrust him because they believe that he is using me to get a green card or citizenship in the U.S. He has an H-1 visa and lives in the U.S. and would like to settle here permanently. In addition, his parents are separated, and this is a real deal breaker for my conservative Indian parents.

QUESTION

I’m in a serious relationship with a guy I really love. I’m wondering what to do since he does not want to have kids and I do.

ANSWER

QUESTION

I'm an attractive and successful single woman who enjoys a fulfilling life but am just missing that special guy to share my life. Over the years, I've pretty much gone about my life with the belief that when I least expect it, I'll meet my special guy. This hasn't quite worked yet - any suggestions?

ANSWER

QUESTION

I’ve been married for almost seven years. My husband was born in India and came to the United States when he was 18 years old. I was born here. The two of us met while in college, fell in love and then married. We don’t have kids. Now my husband wants a divorce. When I ask him for a reason, he just says we have nothing in common.

I believe that my husband is dealing with  other unrelated issues and unfairly taking it out on our marriage. We’re currently separated. When do I know that it’s time to let him go? Should I hold on and hope that my husband will eventually come around?

QUESTION

I’m fortunate to have a great family, good friends, and a successful career. I feel like I’m in a good place, except that I’m missing a partner with whom I can share my life. While my parents would like me to be proactive in searching for a mate, I hear from others that I’ll eventually meet my special someone. What do you think?

ANSWER

QUESTION

I met a guy last year online.  While we seemed to have little in common, he expressed interest and I responded.  After communicating via email and phone for a couple weeks, we met in-person.  While meeting didn't change my initial impression regarding having little in common, it was an enjoyable evening and I did feel attracted to him. During the next several months, we continued seeing each other, and the intensity of my reservations about the potential of a long-term relationship with him increased the more our differences were revealed.