is an Indian-
American attorney turned entrepre-
neur, Relationship Expert, Radio
Show Host and Matchmaker /
Dating Coach. She is the Founder /
President of Intersections Match,
the only Elite
making & Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving
Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in
the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio,
a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations
with published authors/experts on relationships, health &
info, please visit
www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to submit a
Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina
I was in a long-term relationship
with someone who I thought
would be “the One.” We broke
up a week ago, and I’m still
having a hard time getting over
my ex. Any suggestions?
by Jasbina Ahluwalia
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Keep in mind you are not
alone. Most people tend to feel sad and disappointed after a
breakup. My first suggestion is to allow yourself to experience grief
in each of its five stages (denial, anger, bargaining, sadness and
acceptance). By allowing yourself to feel your feelings, rather than
burying your feelings and thereby likely keeping you stuck in the
past, you empower yourself to fully let go and move on.
Speaking of empowerment, I encourage you to internalize the
following mindset once you have reached the acceptance stage.
Remind yourself that events have no meaning in and of themselves
that is, until our minds choose what meaning to give them.
Choose to believe that your special someone is still out there (as
opposed to believing your ex WAS the love of your life, and that
you've now missed out on the chance for love). Ask yourself if
there are any learning opportunities from your experience with
your ex that can help you in your journey to your special someone.
Armed with this mindset, here are some other effective things you
can do to support your journey to your special someone.
~ Treat yourself with kindness and compassion, reconnect with
your joyful self, and avail of your support circle. What is most
fulfilling and meaningful for you? Spending time with family and
friends? Reading, travel, music, artistic pursuits? If sports or exercise
does not happen to be one of those activities you enjoy, consider
engaging in them anyway physical activity floods your body with
“feel-good” endorphins, and has actually been scientifically shown
to be effective in improving mood.
~ Cut off ALL contact with your ex for at least the next month.
Remove your ex from your online and offline life. Don’t call, text,
or email him/her. Don’t meet-up as “friends.” If you allow your
heart to stay connected to your ex, you will likely push away
potential Mr./Ms. Rights.
~ Instead of dwelling on any lack in your life stop and invigorate
yourself with feelings of gratitude for the blessings in your life
instead. Not only does this practice keep things in perspective
and make life more enjoyable, it tends to magnetize other
positive people to you.
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