by Jasbina
you. Your question
reveals one of my dating
guidelines: since people
reveal themselves through
time and interaction, be open
to exploring compatibility by
allowing a relationship to
unfold over time and interac-
tion. Your example reminded
me of a presentation I attended at a matchmakers
conference a few years ago. The presenter, a research
professor of anthropology and the scientific advisor to a
division of, Dr Helen Fisher, had developed
a theory that while each of us is a combination of all
four personality types, each person primarily expresses
one of four broad personality types.
In her book, Why Him? Why Her?, Fisher explains how
understanding your partner’s personality type can help you
navigate the ups and downs in a relationship. From your
example, it appears that you are primarily an “Explorer,”
while your boyfriend is primarily a “Builder.” “Explorers”
are typically described as novelty-seeking, energetic,
risk-taking, and adventurous; whereas “Builders” are
characteristically cautious, conventional, stable and
respectful of rules and traditions.
While your differing temperaments can pose challenges, such
as that experienced during your travel, they can also result in
powerful complementary teamwork. An example of this
complementary teamwork: as you had mentioned the two of
you share the life goal of wanting kids, your future family life
can be enriched by the sense of adventure (provided by you)
and security and stability (provided by your boyfriend). Both
of your mindsets will likely determine the prospects of your
relationship. Do you positively focus on teamwork by viewing
each other’s differences as contributing complementary
strengths to the union; or alternatively, negatively focus on the
challenges by viewing each other’s differences as weaknesses
warranting modification?
My boyfriend and I recently took our
first trip together and now I find myself
wondering whether we have a future, or
are just too different to make it for the
long-term. While I’ve known for a while
that I’m more adventurous than he is, I
really never thought it might be an issue
given that we both share similar life goals
(we both want to have kids). The differ-
ences during our trip seemed even more
pronounced than when we’re together in
the city where we both live. To give you
just one example, while I was okay with
checking out a couple of sights, I found
my boyfriend’s idea of mapping out which
sights to see and when (not to mention
which meals we would eat and where)
completely boring. I wanted our days to
be unscheduled, so that we could head to
different areas of the city depending on
our mood that day, check out whatever
sights we came across, and stop in at lo-
cal restaurants along the way which
looked promising. Any hope for us?
Jasbina Ahluwalia
is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Match-
maker / Dating Coach. She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite
Personalized Matchmaking & Dating
Coaching Firm in the country serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. She is also the host of
Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships,
health & wellness. For
info, please visit Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this
column to Jasbina directly at
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