Jasbina Ahluwalia
is an Indian-American attorney turned entrepreneur, Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host and Matchmaker / Dating Coach.
She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite
Personalized Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving
Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show
featuring conversations with published authors/experts on relationships, health & wellness. For info, please visit
www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel
free to submit a Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina directly at
Given what I do for a living I
come across as a powerful
woman, often criticized by the
men I date as “too controlling.”
Is there a way to maintain the
integrity of my personality
without being perceived as
too controlling?
So how do self-empowered
women act?
In the past when I’ve been in-
volved in a relationship, I feel
like I’ve lost my identity in the
process. These days I’m very
careful to not seem needy, but
I’m worried that I’ve got a wall
up. Can you help?
by Jasbina Ahluwalia
Let me assure you that you are not alone.
As a matchmaker and dating
coach to powerful men and women, I come across this issue frequently.
As a powerful woman, how do you feel when others try to control you?
Once you put yourself in a guy’s shoes, it’s easy to appreciate that women
who act controlling tend to repel
Self-empowered women, on the other hand, magnetize men. Your
integrity lies in being a self-empowered woman more so than a woman
who exerts control over others, including men.
They tend to be comfortable in their own skin, making those around
them comfortable as well.
Empowered women tend to have a strong sense of self, allowing them to
be accepting of themselves and others.
I'll leave you with one final thought:
Self-empowered women realize that
their true power lies in their ability to control their own thoughts and
actions, leaving little need to control others.
It sounds like your behavior may be originating from a fear of rejection.
Consider shifting your focus to strengthening your sense of self-worth.
A strong sense of self allows you to risk emotional vulnerability without
risking your self-worth.
You sound like an introspective person.
This quality will serve you well
in finding and maintaining a great relationship. Why not make a list of all
your other great qualities?
This may help build up your sense of self.
Building intimacy in a relationship involves emotional vulnerability.
There's just no way to get around it. You can safely allow yourself to be
emotionally vulnerable once you believe that you are strong enough to
handle any outcomes.
Your power lies within you.
Love & Relationships
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