Jasbina Ahluwalia
is an Indian-
American attorney turned entrepreneur,
Relationship Expert, Radio Show Host
and Matchmaker / Dating Coach. She is
the Founder / President of Intersections
Match, the only Elite
Matchmaking & Dating Coaching Firm in the country
serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nation-
wide in the U.S. She is also the host of Intersections Talk
Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conver-
sations with published authors/experts on relationships,
health & wellness. For
info, please visit
www.IntersectionsMatch.com Feel free to submit a
Question to be considered for this column to Jasbina
directly at
When I’m out socially, guys don’t
tend to approach me. Is it a good
idea for me to approach guys
myself? To take it even further,
what about actually asking a guy,
who seems interesting, out? Does
doing these things seem confident
or desperate to guys?
by Jasbina Ahluwalia
As a dating coach to both men and women, I believe that most guys
will approach a woman they are interested in IF the woman clearly
gives the green light. What do I mean by “giving the green light?”
I mean giving the guy signs that you’re open to his approach in
other words, being approachable. Signs women give guys, which
allow them to feel that that their approach is unlikely to be rejected
include eye contact, smiling, open body language, and initiating
Let’s discuss each of these in turn, beginning with the potent combi-
nation of eye contact and smiling. Signaling receptivity to approach
via eye contact and smiling involves the woman first making eye
contact with a guy, and then when the guy locks eyes with the
woman in return, the woman continuing to hold his eye contact for
a few more seconds, and then smiling.
Another signal of receptivity towards being approached involves
“open” body language, including uncrossed arms and legs. Sending a
signal via initiating conversation may be as simple as just warmly
greeting him with a friendly “hello;” asking for help of some sort,
i.e. directions or observing him and making a playful comment
about something you’ve observed. While being more approachable
may feel more natural to some women and less so to others, and
many of the nonverbal signs mentioned above oftentimes actually
occur at the unconscious level, conscious awareness and practice
can make cultivating approachability second-nature (and fun).
As many guys are not as adept at reading people as women, gener-
ally speaking, a woman may, for instance, need to make eye contact
and smile more than once and/or combine a few of the above sig-
nals to effectively give the green light. Now once a woman gives the
green light, there is typically no need to approach and/or ask most
guys out. If a guy doesn’t approach or ask you out after clearly being
given the green light, absent extenuating circumstances, he is
unlikely to be interested. An uninterested guy may be receptive to a
woman asking him out, but his lack of interest is likely to foreclose
any long-term potential, even if the two people end up going out.
Many guys take the path of least resistance, and will be open to see-
ing where a woman asking him out may lead even if they don’t be-
lieve there’s any relationship potential.
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