Jasbina Ahluwalia is an Attorney turned Entrepreneur, Indian-American Relationship Expert, Matchmaker and
Radio Show Host. She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite Personalized Matchmaking &
Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. Jasbina is
also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/
experts on relationships and health and wellness.
For more information, please visit www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this
column to Jasbina directly at Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.
I think I may be getting
apathetic about the whole
relationship thing. It's not
that I haven't dated or
haven’t found decent guys.
It's just that even the decent
guys didn't pan out, and it
seems like all the guys I've
been out with since have
been real losers. I'm starting
to really wonder whether
there are any decent
guys left, especially now that
I'm already in my thirties.?
by Jasbina Ahluwalia
I'm sorry to hear that, and you're certainly not alone in getting
frustrated. That said, let me reassure you, there are definitely
great guys out there (given my profession, I speak with them
all the time).
In my opinion, what's out there is not the issue (and in any
case, it is not something that's under your control). But the
beliefs you hold are under your control. I know it may often
seem like our beliefs are not subject to our conscious control.
On the contrary, I think we are accountable to ourselves for
the beliefs we allow ourselves to hold. We think our values are
objective/natural/uncontrollable but we can be flexible about
them if they stand in the way of the goals we want to achieve.
Given that you chose to spend time and energy on dating in
the past, I'm assuming being in a relationship was one of your
goals. The important question to ask yourself now is this: Is
being in a relationship still one of your goals? Since you
reached out to ask your question in the first place, I think it’s
fair to assume the answer to the above question is yes.
With that in mind, how do you think your belief that there are
not any decent guys left may affect your ability to remain open
-minded in your interactions with guys? Do you see how this
particular belief could unknowingly create a self-fulfilling
Ask yourself this key question: Does your belief serve or limit
your goal of being in a relationship? Since it will be difficult
for you to reach your goal while maintaining this limiting
belief, you can choose. Which one would you rather keep?
It's natural to look for evidence backing up our beliefs. We all
tend to do that. That is why it is so crucial to choose one's
beliefs wisely and be willing to let them go when they no
longer (or perhaps never did) serve us. Best wishes!
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