Jasbina Ahluwalia is an Attorney turned Entrepreneur, Indian-American Relationship Expert, Matchmaker and

Radio Show Host. She is the Founder / President of Intersections Match, the only Elite Personalized Matchmaking &

Dating Coaching Firm in the country serving Selective Singles of South Asian descent Nationwide in the U.S. Jasbina is

also the host of Intersections Talk Radio, a monthly holistic lifestyle show featuring conversations with published authors/

experts on relationships and health and wellness.

For more information, please visit www.IntersectionsMatch.com. Feel free to submit a Question to be considered for this

column to Jasbina directly at Jasbina@IntersectionsMatch.com.

QUESTION

I think I may be getting

apathetic about the whole

relationship thing. It's not

that I haven't dated or

haven’t found decent guys.

It's just that even the decent

guys didn't pan out, and it

seems like all the guys I've

been out with since have

been real losers. I'm starting

to really wonder whether

there are any decent

guys left, especially now that

I'm already in my thirties.?

ANSWER

by Jasbina Ahluwalia

I'm sorry to hear that, and you're certainly not alone in getting

frustrated. That said, let me reassure you, there are definitely

great guys out there (given my profession, I speak with them

all the time).

In my opinion, what's out there is not the issue (and in any

case, it is not something that's under your control). But the

beliefs you hold are under your control. I know it may often

seem like our beliefs are not subject to our conscious control.

On the contrary, I think we are accountable to ourselves for

the beliefs we allow ourselves to hold. We think our values are

objective/natural/uncontrollable but we can be flexible about

them if they stand in the way of the goals we want to achieve.

Given that you chose to spend time and energy on dating in

the past, I'm assuming being in a relationship was one of your

goals. The important question to ask yourself now is this: Is

being in a relationship still one of your goals? Since you

reached out to ask your question in the first place, I think it’s

fair to assume the answer to the above question is yes.

With that in mind, how do you think your belief that there are

not any decent guys left may affect your ability to remain open

-minded in your interactions with guys? Do you see how this

particular belief could unknowingly create a self-fulfilling

prophecy?

Ask yourself this key question: Does your belief serve or limit

your goal of being in a relationship? Since it will be difficult

for you to reach your goal while maintaining this limiting

belief, you can choose. Which one would you rather keep?

It's natural to look for evidence backing up our beliefs. We all

tend to do that. That is why it is so crucial to choose one's

beliefs wisely and be willing to let them go when they no

longer (or perhaps never did) serve us. Best wishes!

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